“What is Marriage for?”

Is marriage archaic, anachronistic, amoral, anti-social, awful, awesome? Is marriage merely a contract between two people about confining sex to that one relationship? Does monogamy equal monotony? Who or what is marriage for? Is marriage merely about tax and health insurance benefits? Can it really be that shallow? Are all the generations before us primitive, simple fools who are out of touch with modern morality and technology because we are so educated, erudite, enlightened, entitled, exceptional, etc.?

Did the sexual revolution of the 1960's bring about positive results for families? Did all that sexual experimentation make relationships better and more secure? After playing around for a while until finding the sexually compatible one, did that make for a secure, loving, satisfying, rewarding, complete relationship? Are the children from that era well-disciplined, self-controlled, mature, emotionally & relationally stable? Are societies around the world better off because of these sexual freedoms that threw off governmental and church authority, norms, rules and morality? People replaced the leadership and guidance of the Christian church and the Bible with the peace symbol, which is a statement of anti-authoritarianism: an upside down, broken cross. Sexual norms and the traditional family unit has been challenged, denied, re-fried and cultures collide. Push the boundaries. Because all those boundaries are out-dated and need to be broken. Life without boundaries is; of course, freeing. Just ask psychologists and counselors. Our brilliant society is free from addiction to sex, drugs, alcohol. We are truly free. Aren't we? No psychoses. No phobias. No anxiety. No imbalances. No worries. No health issues. No diseases. No eating dis-orders. No abuses. No problems. We are all normal, healthy and well adjusted.

Now, if you say anything against this wonderful freedom or merely attempt to have a conversation about it, you are a wacko, old-fashioned right-wing fundamentalist full of hate, racism and intolerance. You will be vilified and often physically threatened. Yes, that is happening in our tolerant, loving, freedom of speech, freedom of religion [not from], kind and gentle nation. So, don't you dare speak anything different than what is displayed in music, media and movies because their views on morality and healthy relationships are always accurate. Just look at all their smiling faces on those prefect bodies with prefect teeth and hair. They must be right and their souls filled with joy. Look at their role-model relationships and families. So, money and might make right. Right?

Billion$ are being spent to attempt to redefine marriage. Loud arguments are made from all over. Who is right? Can we know? Who gets to determine right from wrong? Charlie Sheen!? Duck Dynasty? Hollywood and Washington DC? Religious leaders? Not those fools, they aren't progressive enough!

Don't listen to the children. Only those with this new, enlightened morality have this stuff figured out:
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/entry/13/24114

One year ago I performed the wedding ceremony for my niece. Planning for that ceremony and a later sermon developed a lot of what follows here. I started a conversation with my niece and her now husband to see what their thinking was and ask how they would answer the below questions.

Questions to the engaged: Why do you want to get married? Why do you want to marry this person? Could marrying someone else be a better plan? What is marriage? What does it mean? If you stop and ponder for a few minutes right now, how would you answer those questions? If you have not wrestled with these, this would be a good time to go sit outdoors alone with a beverage and contemplate them.

...Sometime later after you have finished pondering...

Can the answers be as simple as these statements:  He makes me laugh. We have fun together. We have a lot of the same interests and like to do the same things. When I am down she lifts me up. We are physically attracted to each other. We want to be together. We want to share our lives together. We laugh at the same jokes. We have similar life plans and goals.

Is that it? Is that enough? Companionship. Feeling loved. Appearance. Having fun together. Liking the same things. Is that all marriage is? Is that the foundation for a strong and successful marriage? If that is all it takes, then it really doesn't matter if those getting married are opposite sex, same sex, polygamists, or even stranger things.

Since I do not get to determine what is right and wrong, I will rely on another authority. Of course, this is not popular with those spending billion$ to change things. Their arguments are along the lines of: Live and let live. It's all good. To each his own. Why won't YOU let my friends get married? They are nice people. YOLO. They aren't hurting anybody. Who are you to judge? It's none of our business. This won't hurt society in any way. Why are you a racist, homophobic, a--hole, jerk!?

The truth is irrelevant to folks who believe in moral relativity and argue purely from emotion. Health risks are also irrelevant:

http://www.glma.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=Page.viewPage&pageID=690

http://www.catholiceducation.org/en/search.html?q=homosexual&Itemid=301

Certainly, all of these will be cured when same sex marriage is legalized and fully accepted. Then there will be no more of these problems; just like in the Netherlands [sarcasm]. No more problems with HIV/AIDS, hepatits, chlamydia, STD's, STI's, body image (obesity, anorexia, bulimia, etc.), drug or alcohol abuse, tobacco use, depression/anxiety, cancer (prostate, testicular, colon), HPV (which can lead to anal cancer). This list is just for men with men. Women have some other specific risks. In these problem/risk areas, GLBT people are at 2-4 times the risk of heterosexuals. Shouldn't all these health issues tell us something is wrong with the thinking that GLBT are normal lifestyles that should be accepted by all of us? There is certainly something broken in our society when we fight about how to throw out all morals regarding sex and sexuality. Are you amazed at all the billion$ being spent to push the agenda for this segment of society which makes up less than 5% of the adult population in the USA? Check the stats. The exaggerated 10% figure is completely false. But, even if it were 97% of the population being GLBT, would that make it right, normal and OK?

This problem is larger than just people disagreeing with how to live, what is moral, etc. There is something going on that most deny or don't want to believe. People are not the enemy.

All people have a common, unseen spiritual enemy who wants to destroy us morally and physically. That is the behind-the-scene battle that deceives people into believing things like; all types of sex outside of marriage is OK, acceptable, playful recreation and won't have any negative consequences on individuals or society at large; even kids can play. There is a gigantic reason that the fire of relational and sexual passion needs to be healthily confined to marriage between a man and a woman who are married to each other. That is where I am going here. If you are not full of anger and hate toward me and this information, read on and consider.

You were made for something more, something bigger than mere physical or relational pleasure and satisfaction. You know there is a longing deep inside of you to discern why you exist and to figure out how to meet the longings of your soul. All of us have tried many diverse and unsuccessful ways of figuring out this tough stuff. Why was I made? Why do I exist? Will a relationship with someone who loves me satisfy these longings? Am I more than random chance and accidental mutation; billions of accidental mutations that just so happened to make an extraordinary, symmetrical, fascinating physical and intellectual specimen? Who am I? What am I supposed to do?

If you are convinced you are a chaotic accident, you will not agree with the rest of what I write which is merely a biblical analysis answering the title question of this article: “What is Marriage for?” If Jesus is a myth and has not risen from the dead, feel free to go on your meaningless, less-than-merry nihilistic way to nothingness. That rough statement is the end result of the modern atheistic world view here in the USA.

But if Jesus is real, is The Creator, is God in-the-flesh, died for our sins and rose from the dead; then we should let Him and Scripture determine what is good, right and moral. And, we should let Him answer this question for us because only His answer as revealed in Scripture is Truth. Truth is not subjective nor relative. Jesus IS Truth. He believed the Bible and what was written about Him. He perfectly revealed the invisible Father God. All of Scripture points to God and the redemption of mankind through Jesus, Whose name means "the Lord Saves."

“What is Marriage for?”
This is merely a quick glance at some of the main points of the Bible on this issue to answer the question from a big picture view. Does God still speak? Is there any wisdom in these ancient texts? Any truth? Surely God is NOT and these are silly fables and mythical fairy tales only satisfying the young, naive, fools or the uneducated? Surely modern science has put this absurdity to rest. Let's take a look.

And guess what? I won't even use Sodom & Gomorrah, or the lists of sin from the apostle Paul or his brilliant description of our brokenness in Romans 1 to answer the above question.

Genesis 1:26-31, 2:7-25, 3:1-21

God gives us earth, each other and Himself.

        You may not know it now, but later, when you look back on your life you will realize – that God was there all the time, working in plain sight. We were the ones who were blind, morally confused and conflicted.

When God describes the creation of humanity he was talking about the unseen part of us; the soul. Physically we are 98.8% similar in our DNA to chimpanzees. Are we evolutionary cousins or made by the same Being? How similar are chimps to humans? Do they have logic? Do they have a soul? Do they have thousands of languages? Do they have planes, trains, automobiles? Do they argue evolution versus creation? Do their tools compete with Lowe's and Home Depot's or NASA's? Do their libraries and computers match ours? Is the unseen part of a chimpanzee or other common ancestor, the same as that of a man or woman? Are you just an advanced primate?

In the Genesis accounts God talks with Himself about creating humans in the image of the divine. "Let Us make mankind in our image, after Our likeness." Angels don't create, so it wasn't about them. The One God begins being revealed here as being in a relationship with Himself!?. This is the first hint of a tri-unity monotheistic being. Our logic cannot follow and we often reject what we cannot see or comprehend because all truth and knowledge; must of course, be run through us for a decision of validity.

Humans were created to take care of earth and all that is in it. But that is a story for a different article. Here our focus will be on the creation of man being made in God's image as male and female (1:27). How can this be if the names and words used for God are always masculine? What is going on? Scripture never describes God as a sexual being. Yet, He creates humans as sexual beings. He sets things up for us to reproduce and "fill the earth." Since male and female are created in God's image there must be some correlation with God's statement in v.26: "Let Us make man in Our image." God is community. God is Himself a family. Humans are created to be a physical and spiritual representation of the eternal and invisible God in some way as we share some image aspects of Who He is. There is something vital about there being male and female. Together they are image bearers. We need both to understand what God is revealing to us. Half of something is missing without the other. Just analyze how things work in an office made entirely of only men or women. Fun, fun, fun!

In chapter 1 the Spirit of God hovers over the formless and empty earth. In chapter 2, the six days are split with the first three describing God forming creation and the second three days describing how He fills the emptiness. His final creation is mankind. First He forms the male and gently, with great tenderness places him in the garden to worship God as he works at tending the garden. The male is given instruction. Then God describes how it is not good [a first in the creation account] for this guy to be alone. The male needs a suitable helper in life that is a perfect fit for him. This helper is the human version of how God is a helper to us. It is not a derogatory or subordinate position. The male was formed but there was an emptiness that was filled only when the female was crafted from his shapely rib. She was built. When the guy saw her he sang. The first song. He wrote the first poem. The first human romance. He was wowed. She was wooed. The image of God was at work in their souls as they became a family designed by God. Nothing shallow. Nothing small. Not merely sexual; but it was sexual. Sex was meant to express the intense unity they shared. It was meant to be for them alone as a celebration. It was the first worship experience. "God made us for each other to celebrate Him and for this fabulous sex thing." There was awe. They were together. They were naked. They were without shame. They were to become one flesh; not merely a sexual union but connected like God is connected. He is The One God. They were to be the one family. The one monogamous union. This was good good! "Tov, Tov" in the hebrew. They were told to hold fast to each other; foreshadowing, that would be difficult in the future. Three times in Scripture the male is told to leave his parents and cleave, or hold fast to the female. The female does not get this same instruction. Hmmmm! That must mean something.

Seconds or minutes later they believe the lie of an unseen enemy somehow speaking through an animal. They are told they can know good and evil apart from God. Well. That sounds good to them. But, it's really evil. Their relationship with God and each other is too shallow to withstand the lie. Perfection is ruined. They eat. They disobey and rebel. Sin enters. Shame controls. Blame and division. Finger pointing is created. "It's not my fault. It's theirs. It's Your fault, God." We have grown so much wiser and mature since then [sarcasm]. Fear replaces reverence. Cowardice replaces worship. [It's just like everything we see on TV today.] The animal is punished for being used by the deceiving accuser. The woman will have pain bearing children. She will also struggle with her role as the perfect companion to the male. She will either be too bossy or too submissive; not "juuuuust right" like in the 3 bears. The male's work will become painful and difficult instead of worshipful. They die spiritually instantly. The zombie apocalypse has arrived. Walking dead people. Everywhere. They are kicked out of the perfect garden. Life, nay, existence is now difficult and full of trouble and pain.

What was meant to be a family that resembles the relationship within the tri-une God is no longer an image for what heaven is like. The entire rest of Scripture reveals how far humans have fallen, how depraved and selfish we are. It shows the wickedness of humanity. The violence. The killing. The hatred. The false religion creation. The denial of The One True God. The broken families are all over its pages. The first child born kills the second. Now we kill our unborn in celebration of sexual freedom. Progress!

While many pages in the Bible describe the sins of humanity, the larger picture is the story of God's love and faithfulness as He plans for and carries out the redemption of mankind: male and female. God is always about the work of rescuing and saving a lost and broken humanity!

Hosea – Faithful when spouse is unfaithful. This makes me wonder: What was Joseph thinking when he married Mary? She claimed to be a virgin.

What a sad prophet Hosea must have been! His life was a metaphor of God dealing with His unfaithful bride, the nation of Israel, the chosen people who always strive against God; that's what the word Israel means--"strives with God." Hosea was told to go find a prostitute and marry, have children with her and to continually go get her when she sinned and redeem her when she broke their covenant relationship and went back to her harlot ways. He even bought her out of slavery. The children were given negative names which described the unfaithfulness of Israel. What a mean God that He would require that of a man. That bad, evil God, telling people what to do, forcing them to love the unlovable and to love the ones not returning love when given it. That darned role of a prophet! Who could want that? It's like me with the people of the USA. Who will hear? Who will care? Who will repent, turn from their wicked ways, return to a relationship with God and become a loving, obedient child of The King of the Universe?

Somehow God will still increase the number of His people; His bride, who often plays the role of the prostitute. The people party. They have raves. They have orgies. They feast. They misuse their sexuality. The image of God in them is broken. The prophet husband pays a heavy price to keep his wife. There is little true worship. There is little heaven; no joy. The priests and people whore against God. So little has changed. The people create opportunities for adultery and prostitution; even, in their temples [churches]. These rebels are a stubborn lot. Their rulers embrace shame. The people are faithless. God remains faithful. Is He a fool? They disavow guilt until calamity strikes. They feign repentance and tarry in sin. They set up rulers who despise God. "They sow the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind" [Hosea 8:7]. Israel has forgotten his Maker [8:14]. The people plowed iniquity; they reaped injustice; they have eaten the fruit of lies [9:13]. Oh, how the times have... stayed the same! Israel is against her helper (God) [13:9]. Yet God heals the apostate people and loves them freely [14:4].

God is faithful to His wayward, rebellious bride.

Malachi 2:14-17 – You are responsible for family and spousal care.

This short section shows Israel again running from their role as a bride to God. They are not faithful in relationship to God. They are not faithful in their marriages. They throw away their responsibilities to their spouse [their companion] and their children. And God hates it. God hates divorce. God hates unfaithfulness. If we cannot be faithful to God our invisible Husband and Creator, how can we be faithful to a fellow fallen, broken, selfish human? God made the married couple one with a portion of His Spirit in their union [2:15]. Instead, the people do evil.

The people blame God and each other. They deny sin and rebellion. Their false worship is rejected. They play at church. They worship their profits ignoring the prophet. God disdains their violation and profaning of His covenant with them. Yet, for His own reasons, God is faithful and loving to these thieves. He will send one like Elijah to warn them again before punishing their rebellion. But for those who fear His name, healing will come and they will leap with joy.

Most people do not understand that a biblical covenant is an agreement God makes with Himself to be faithful to the people He will love and nurture. He will accomplish the goal of the covenant. Even when the people attempt to break the covenant and be unfaithful; God remains faithful to His commitment and will carry it out to completion. He has married Himself to this people. They are His bride. He will not fail. His marriage covenant to His people will happen and be glorious.

Jesus on marriage:

  No marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:29-31).

 There will be a marriage feast (Matthew 22:1-14, Luke 20:27-36).  This is big picture stuff compared to the details of only divorcing for sexual unfaithfulness (Matt. 5:31-33) and no other reason (Matt. 19:3-10).

The religious elite of the Jews; the Pharisees and Sadducees, were often attempting to trick Jesus into sinning or false theology. What a great bunch of holy men! So much different than today. When the Sadducees who did not believe in resurrection or after-life attempted to twist Jesus into a sticky situation of interpreting the Mosaic law requiring a brother to marry the widow of his brother in order to raise up offspring for him; they arrived with a silly scenario of 7 brothers marrying 1 woman. One would marry her, then die. The next would marry her in an attempt to carry on that brother's lineage by giving her a son. No child, then death, then the next would marry, no children, then death and so on for all 7.  So in the after-life, which lucky brother would be this tragic woman's husband? They thought they were so smart and tricky. Surely Jesus would have no good answer.

Jesus called them out. They were wrong, did not know the Scriptures nor the power of God. How dare Jesus judge people like that? Bad Jesus! Don't judge. Remember! You said not to judge, bad Jesus.

Jesus destroys their tricky argument. He tells them there is a resurrection of the dead for those worthy to receive it. There is an after-life. God is the God of the living. Jesus cites the burning bush incident with Moses to prove this point. Apparently Jesus believed the fables and myths of the Hebrew Scriptures. Silly Jesus!

And, by the way, Jesus tells them there is no marriage in heaven. People do not get married in heaven. People married on earth do not stay married in heaven. We are different there. We are like the angels (whose names and descriptions are always masculine--similar to what I wrote above about God), there is nothing sexual about our relationships in heaven. What?! Say it ain't so! Isn't sexual union and satisfaction the greatest goal and pleasure of humanity? Where will my ecstasy be? What else are we to do then? I'll tell you later. Don't skip ahead to the end. Be patient. I am sure you are good at that.

The things of heaven explained to broken earthlings often do not make sense. The information from Jesus was mind-blowing, world-changing, earth-shaking. Our fallen, selfish, blame-oriented humanity is still twisted in its understanding of right and wrong, thinking we know better than God.

   

Ephesians 5:15-33

1)       Husbands – Love your wife as Christ loved the Church! Jesus died for His bride.

2)       Wives – Submit to and respect your husband as to Christ the head of the Church!

Here is the most clarifying passage for how males and females express the love of God in different ways. This is where the image of God from Genesis 1 & 2 is explained. This is how human marriage is supposed to work. There is equality of person-hood. There are differing roles. Males and females are vastly different. We look, think, converse, play, relate and behave differently. Males and females express love differently. Redeemed people, followers of Jesus, are in the process of becoming more like what Paul describes in this passage. All people reflect some of this. It is in our image of God DNA.

Remember the broken part of women from Genesis 3? She will struggle with her role as the perfect companion to the male. She will either be too bossy or too submissive. Her easier role in life is to be nurturing and supportive. Females struggle less with this. It is simple for most to be encouraging. Women just love to love. They are good at that. The broken part of the feminine is in the areas of submission and respect. The submit thing could take years, perhaps a lifetime to unravel because in her rebellion, the female soul either despises this or craves it too much. The true way of looking at it is to submit to her husband as the leader of the family. This does not mean women submit to all men! This means in the marriage, the leadership and responsibility falls on the male. The female is the helper, supporter, companion, encourager as God was to Israel in the Hebrew Scriptures. Sometimes this means getting all up in his business...in private. The unnatural part of this whole thing is thrown in at the end of verse 33, where this submission is explained as respect. This is difficult for women. Nurturing love--that is easy. Treating her husband with respect (value, honor, dignity, deference), that is difficult. Just ask marriage counselors. This can only be done well by the help of The Helper, The Holy Spirit. His role here is similar to that of the wife to the husband. It is not being a doormat. It is a high and holy role that pictures the relationship between Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It portrays God and the way He loves and relates. This submission and respect turns a weak man into a knight in shining armor who will take on the world to bless his female. Respect brings out in a male what only a woman can root out of his wounded soul. It turns a coward into a warrior. It transforms fragility into powerful strength. It makes him into something much greater than he ever dreamed he could become.

The larger and seemingly more difficult demands of this passage are for the man to love his wife like Jesus loved the church, built her up, nurtured her and died for her. It is easy for men to pour out respect. Males have to learn nurturing love. This love purifies her soul. It blossoms her into the lovely flower she can only become by receiving this love from a male. The princess needs a prince to unwrap the beauty in her soul. My wife tells me she wants honesty, integrity, love, provision, protection, a man seeking Jesus all the time and to feel enveloped. Picture an eagle standing near his mate with his wings spread around her in protection and glaring at the enemies desiring to harm her screaming like Gandalf, "You shall NOT pass!" The male does not use his physical strength to cause submission. He does not use his strength against her to gain respect. He pours out gentleness and nurtures her with a tenderness since he is like a bull and she like a china shop. He draws out the inner beauty. He is first drawn toward her external beauty and curves and then moves into her soul because she has captivated his. His love removes blemishes from her soul, it looks past her wrinkles and stretch-marks. When the male loves the female he learns to love himself and stop condemning himself for all his flaws and frailty. And again, here in verse 31 the male is told to leave his parents and hold fast to his wife, his woman, and become one body, mind and soul.

Then Paul throws an unexpected curve ball. It's all about Jesus. This marriage talk is really about how Jesus relates to the church, His bride. The church is supposed to love, respect, obey and submit to Jesus because He poured out His human life to redeem her and make her become who she could only become through His love and sacrifice.

Hebrews 13:4

“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Honor marriage! Keep it Holy! Value it.

We don't even know who wrote this book but it is hugely powerful and greatly explains much of the hidden mysteries of the Hebrew Scriptures. As a reminder at the end of this letter this verse seems tossed in to make sure marriage is treated right. Honor and respect are from the same root word. Revere, value, dignify, honor marriage. It is something special. And the sexual union is not a play thing to be taken lightly or passed around or exploited outside the marriage boundary. Those misusing sex as a toy for the flesh outside of marriage between a male and a female will self-inflict many wounds. Keep sex pure. Keep it within the healthy confines of marriage. It is meant to be a celebration there. It is a play thing there for the couple to share; not for one to use the other. Sex is supposed to be a worship service celebrating our Creator for giving us such a wonderful gift as each other and the amazing physical pleasure.

For those with eyes to see and ears to hear, you can tell that sex is a powerful part of humanity. It is often controlling our desires. Porn is where the money is. In the USA, there is more profit in porn than in the NFL, NBA and MLB combined. Sex sells. People often sell each other. Children are misused by adults. There are a lot of sex slaves worldwide. The physical pleasure can become addictive when it is the highest goal a person pursues. It can break apart families when desire for another drives someone to pursue a co-worker, friend, neighbor, etc. It is too bad it is misused this way. It was meant for our good. There are physical, emotional and spiritual consequences for its misuse.

Honor marriage. Keep it pure. When marriage is done the way God designed it, the husband and wife mirror heaven's family, glorify God and bring out the best in each other. A good marriage will even create a hunger in others for their own good marriage.

When we do things our way instead of God's we are wasting time, energy and billion$ to justify and rationalize our version of right and wrong that remains broken since the garden. Should we listen to each other's fine sounding logic, yelling, rhetoric and tearful emotions or should we seek eternal truth? Marriage is much larger than merely a human relationship. It's not as vain as asking your spouse, "What can you do to make me happy?" It's not as small and insignificant as being about us. It's not merely FOR us.

But, it is for us so we get to know Him.

Revelation 19:7-16

The Marriage between Jesus the bridegroom and His Church, Us, the bride.  Both are clothed in robes washed by Jesus’ blood (Rev. 6:11, 7:14).

Corruption, sin, injustice and all wickedness has been punished by the time you get to chapter 19 of Revelation. God is being worshiped on His throne. He is worthy. He is praised. The Lord reigns. Jesus has finished preparing a place for His bride as was the Jewish tradition. He went away and built us our eternal home. The marriage between the Lamb Who was slain and His bride Whom He redeemed now takes place. He has washed away her sin. She is clothed in fine linen, bright and pure. No more spot. No more wrinkle. No more sin. No more pain. No more temptation. No more shame. No more guilt. The marriage feast is taking place. Jesus is faithful and true. In righteousness He judges. He is called The Word of God. He rules. He will tread the wine press of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty. His name is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. This is Jesus, once the babe born in a manger, now revealed as The Savior, The Messiah (Christ = anointed of God), The Judge Who punishes sinners whom rejected His sacrifice for sin at the cross.

He is The Groom. His church is the bride. What was started with the creation of male and female in Genesis, now is unveiled as the purified bride becomes whom she was supposed to be: a people created by and for God to be in a loving, respectful, pure and adoring relationship with Him.

       * Epiphany à “The marriage between Jesus and the Church is The culmination of history and The reason for creation!”

"Joy" and Other 4-Letter Words

How was your Christmas? Did you find the peace and joy you were longing for?

Joy. We all want that in our lives. We just don't know how to get it. Can we buy it? We desire a deep, soul-satisfying peace that fills us with comfort and grace knowing we are doing good for people and living an honorable life. So why is "joy" often unattainable and more like a damn curse word? Is "joy" a bad word to you? Maybe we are pursuing the wrong methods of achieving joy. Maybe we are using the wrong 4-letter words to get joy.

Fear. Are we afraid to take a risk toward meeting the goal of attaining joy? Or, out of fear we take too many risks of the wrong kind. What fears do you have? Is it shame, doubt, insecurities? Fear can paralyze as we over analyze. Fear can mesmerize when we despise the future we create in our minds and worry to the point of inactivity. Frozen, we may stifle our dreams since it seems like nothing good will or can happen. Fear makes us weak. Fear can make us overly aggressive. Both are dangerous.

Fake. Sometimes we pretend to be something or someone we are not. The mask we wear tries to hide who we really are. We may surmise that others have it all figured out and are doing great; so the problem must be us. "If everyone else is having such a great life, what is wrong with me?" But, we are all partially fake. Some are fake all the time. We may be afraid of rejection, so we wear a plastic happy mask.

Need. Want. We get these all mixed up and messily inter-twined. In affluent societies many of us have more than we need and less than we want. Some have too much of both. Still, even if we have all our needs and wants met, it is not enough to bring comfort, happiness and that darned "joy" to our hearts. Our minds are not at ease. "There is no rest for the wicked," we tell ourselves as we condemn and accuse ourselves believing the lies being vomitted on our minds by the unseen enemy of our souls.

Dope. Drug. To flee, to hide, to run away from the pain, we often numb ourselves in a weak attempt to avoid dealing with the inadequacy inside. This turmoil must be squelched. If the chemicals inside us can be pacified, maybe that will calm our souls. We want to feel better. We need to feel better. We are wrong to think this will work. It damages our bodies and relationships. It neutralizes our efforts at success and kills our brains. This danger is often disguised as fun. And we all know, fun is what leads to joy. Well, maybe we are happy for a moment, but happy and joy are not the same; a fleeting feeling versus an inner calm and resolute peace of mind and body.

Gang. Lock. Lone. We hang with the masses of people who scream the loudest about how to pursue life, liberty and happiness. We must act, think, vote and behave like them. We make sure we are tied in with the right crowd so we don't feel "so all alone, everybody must get..." If all these plastic people in the media and Hollywood are smiling with their jet-setting lifestyles, then surely they have found the secret to joy. Being rich and thin is in. This must be the correct gang to lock yourselves into. After all, they have such a great track record in happy marriages, great parenting, they don't struggle with drugs or alcohol, and all their children turn out to be wonderful citizens doing such great work for the world and not merely garnering attention for themselves. They have it figured out. Rather than be alone, we join the club of least resistance because they accept everybody on this wide and wandering road to nowhere. It's the easiest route to pursue and the least satisfying in the end.

Fool. Prey. Close. Most people do not realize they are trapped. There is the unseen spiritual enemy of our souls who wants to fool and trick us into believing his deceptions. We become his prey as we close ourselves off to the truth. We are convinced it's going to be OK; it's all good. Everything will turn out good for us and our family and friends. There is no spiritual war going on. There is no God. If I can't see it, then it isn't true. I'm all grown up and no longer believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or Jesus. Those are all imaginary. I'm an intellectual with a brilliant mind. I cannot be tricked, fooled or deceived. There is no unseen enemy; no hocus pocus, no ghosts, no demons, no angels, no after-life. I am the all-knowing, all-wise one. I am the master of my fate, a rock, an island. I fall prey to no one. I bow to none.

Fire. Surely there is no Hell. Surely everyone gets to go to Heaven or nirvana or be reincarnated endlessly or whatever or wherever. Surely everyone is good...enough. Well, except Hitler, Dahmer and a very few others who really deserve eternal punishment and separation from God. But not me and my friends: we are all nice people. Surely a good God could not; would not punish us. We aren't that bad. We don't deserve wrath like the truly bad people.

Room. Time. We fill up our homes and hearts with so many activities and things that our homes are full and our lives so busy that there is no time or space for anything or anyone else. Our rooms and calendars are packed full. Yet we are empty. We now go shopping Thanksgiving day to buy presents that provide a moment of happiness. Then we rush to the next thing. We over-schedule so we won't contemplate. It's too scary to have time to sit and ponder if we are doing life right. We don't want to think. We just want to experience and feel.

Deny. Quit. That damned, cursed cross where we killed God Who had become visible in human flesh was where we poured out our hatred of God and our lust for sin in a vain attempt to satisfy a demon-controlled, effort to destroy truth, morality and everything opposed to our stern will. We deny God. We quit trying to be good and pursue what we think will but can never satisfy our deep-longings and wounds. We deny we have done any wrongs. We deny that we sin. We quit relationships that make us feel conviction or guilt. We flee to the wide open road where everything is acceptable. We quit listening to our conscience that whispers of a better way. We deny any error of our ways.

Is there a different way to think? Are there 4-letter words that can aid us in solving this damn dilemma?

True. Open. Is there a truth we are unaware of or have been denying? Would we consider another way, another option? Can something be true for everyone? Would we be open to that if it existed? Is truth relative? Isn't perception reality? Isn't my subjective truth the only real truth? Do we all get to determine what is true, good, right, wrong, etc.? Are we the autonomous deciders, judging as we see fit with our omniscient, omnipresence? Are we objective when our scientific views presuppose that the facts can only mean the one thing we want them to? Is it possible we have come to wrong conclusions? Is our logic so sound and insightful, that we are completely accurate and right in our debates and decisions? Would we listen to another point of view? Do we have it all figured out?

Call. Come. When our hearts are being drawn toward someone or thing, would we listen? Would we move toward that? If we were having a come-to-Jesus moment in life, would we come toward Jesus? If you sense that God is calling you toward Himself, would you answer or ignore or flee? Is Jesus' call to "come and see" too dangerous? Is His call to "come and follow" too filled with peril and fear? Is that road too narrow and to be avoided at all cost?

Walk. Seek. Find. Step. Pray. Fast. Hear. Slow. What do you pursue? What do you walk after? How sure are you of what you think and believe? Will you move toward God? Do you seek Him? I mean, do you seek the real God and not just the one you have imagined in your omniscient head? Can we know what God is like? Is there a real God? Is He different than the one we think we know? Could you hear Him when he spoke to you? Is this 4-letter word information for you? Are these questions pushing you to seek the Creator of joy? Could you talk with God in prayer? Could you sit still and listen not knowing if He were there? Is this a worthy pursuit? Could you slow down and wait to hear? Are you afraid of what you would find? Are you sure of what you will discover? Take a chance. Risk everything. What have you got to lose? What can you take with you?

Give. Good. Help. What if life is not about pursuing things for your own satisfaction? What if life is not about getting? What if life is not about doing good in an attempt to heal inner wounds? Do you do good to gain acceptance? Are you stuck in a performance mentality attempting to earn something? What if approval comes from someone outside of you Who actually loves you and desires a relationship with you? What if this someone is the One Who determines what is good?  What if this someone is the One Who wants to give you Himself because this is the greatest gift you could ever receive?  What if this someone is the One Who alone can help you receive joy? We all need help. Few take the help given.

Heal. If God wanted to heal your soul, would you let Him? Did you know that God can heal your heart, mind, soul and body? If God IS, then He can. What if joy starts with receiving and surrendering to Him and allowing Him to do some major surgery in you so you can find peace, rest and joy? What if none of this is based on what you can see, feel, hear, taste or smell? What if the healing you need are in places you didn't know were broken?

Hope. Obey. Real hope is not a synonym for worry. "I hope bad stuff doesn't happen to ______. I hope you arrive safely. I hope my check clears. I hope my stress goes down. I hope my kids avoid drug abuse. I hope I don't get cancer from _________." Real hope is an inner, eternal peace knowing that someone great IS and will bring about good for and through you. Real hope leads to a pleasant desire to obey His call to follow, obey and serve. Real hope leads to acts of obedience done out of gratitude and thankfulness, not guilt or shame.

Love. Save. Free. Gift. Grow. Once we surrender to His love, He saves us from sin and wrath by giving us the gift of the Holy Spirit [God Himself]. This is a free gift given when we surrender. Some of us need to do this several thousand times before it clicks that it is about grace and not something we earn; and therefore, deserve. We cannot earn the free gift of salvation. God IS love, so He gets to define good, evil, right, wrong, sin, rebellion, kindness, faith, joy. We cannot save ourselves. We cannot save others. Once we get this gift, receive His love and grow in our relationship with Him, then we get the honor and privilege of sharing this free gift with others. It is up to them whether they receive it or not based on the above 4-letter words. How free are you?

Live. Life. With. When we enter into real life with God and become spiritually alive from being spiritually dead, only then will we be free from death, sin and wrath. Until then we are the zombie apocalypse. When we enter His life we will be able to live freely then; when we are with Him and He is with and in us. We will have His hope poured into us. We will be saved from endless empty pursuits attempting to meet our own felt needs by our own foolish methods. We cannot do life alone. Jesus IS life. We need Him and His people. Sometimes His people make us think 4-letter words; lots of them. We need to be reminded that we are all broken works in progress at different paces and different places along this rocky path. We cannot be with Him without His people. That can be scary. Often He pours grace and life into us via His people. We are supposed to do the same for them. Let's do this better.

Full. Holy. Soul. Home. Only by the correct 4-letter words will our souls be full, longings met and we be transformed into someone we never even thought about being. We will be blown away by God's goodness. We will be changed into something other than we knew could even exist; a holy person--someone becoming separated from the depravity of earth's unwholesomeness. We will discover a new home; a place we always longed for but could not describe. Our hearts will be full. Our souls will be whole. We will find the home our hearts have been longing for. We will be changed so that we long to be pure; to be free from sin so we are holy; something other than what this world makes out of people with its foolish 4-letter words. It's time to come home. Come be a son or daughter of Jesus...

LORD. KING. ...Jesus, The King of kings and The Lord of lords. Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord. Some will willingly bow in adoring worship and praise. The rest will bow before this Creator they deny, this Savior they reject. They will not have joy as they unwillingly bow with rebellion spewing from them toward the One True God; the only God Whom IS. There are no other gods and there is no other God. Would they desire to be where this God they despise is? What is heaven for the first group, would be a hell for this second. The Lord is good. The King is God. Run to Him. Joy can only be found in Him. Joy. Him. Two 3-letter words.

That damned, cursed cross where God-with-us-in-the-flesh offered Himself to die for our sin, where He poured out His earthly life and blood to rescue us from sin and wrath due to our rebellion; that damned cross is what paves the way to JOY. Thanks be to Jesus and this relentlessly loving God Whom created and pursues us.

Can we change? Can we learn a new way of thinking and doing? Do we have a real hope for joy? What will you do or think differently now that you have dealt with "joy" and other 4-letter words?

Where Have I Been?

Why have I not written in a while? It is partially due to enjoying my job. I work for a great company, in a fun industry and truly enjoy the fantastic leadership around me that inspire and challenge me. I am usually swamped throughout the week and exhausted in a good way by the time I get home. This is the most fun at work I have had in my life.

But that is not what this story is about. There are reasons for why I have written so little over the last 1.5 years. Even the marriage posts were things I had written 2 and 10 years before and just modified. The real reason is that I am frustrated. I am disappointed in the USA attitude in general and the church in particular.

The USA is extremely myopic, narcissistic and spoiled in a pool of entitlement, affluence and provision. There are 23 countries in North America and 12 in South America. But people in the USA refer to themselves as "Americans." I guess we own and rule both continents and the entire world too, for that matter.

I dislike selfishness. I cannot stand spoiled behavior like most players in the NBA [N-titled Brat Ass.] as they mope around complaining, pouting and whining because a foul call didn't go their way. They should watch NHL games before theirs so they can toughen up and show a little sportsmanship and class. This bad attitude is the same for 'celebrities' and most famous people. Most reality shows just teach people how to behave awfully. Many young entertainers turn into adult wackos: Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber, Britney Spears and many others, some of whom have died in their drug induced search for meaning and happiness. Some have graduated from being adorable kids to wanna-be porn stars. They desire to be trashy. They don't know how to be healthy and whole. How can they be role models? Who in Hollywood is an example of moral excellence? What celebrity, singer, athlete is? How many politicians are? It is just like pre-school where those with ideals and values are bullied and mocked. Classy people like Tim Tebow are treated with disdain.

I am disappointed by parents not disciplining since the 1960's [hyperbole about permissive parenting] so that we have a nation of self-focused individuals expecting everything to be handed to them and to never be disciplined or judged for their poor behavior, lack of work ethic, lack of ethics and morals. I hate that politicians and marketers cater to these groups for votes and money. Instead of training in virtue or teaching right from wrong, we call the bad behavior a disease and medicate. Boys are not taught healthy uses of their energy and masculinity so they grow up to be out of control due to lack of guidance from a respectable father. The boy issue may be a future blog.

Capitalism is not the problem. Full-grown toddlers are. The terrible-2's until you die is not a healthy way to live. And it is terrible for society. This nation is unhealthy physically, morally, financially and spiritually.

The church, which is supposed to be The Kingdom of God on earth, has given in to the above. Perhaps a lot of it is due to the screaming, vilifying, name calling, judgmental intolerance, moral phobic, miso-theistic [God hating] attitudes spewed forth from media, celebs and politicians catering to a degraded nation wrongly thinking they are progressive or enlightened. The progress of perversion and sexuality without boundaries has created a forest fire of lasciviousness. What God created to be a wonderful gift within the narrow confines of a monogamous marriage between one man and one woman is now considered archaic and simplistic. People don't know what marriage was made for, don't get or stay married and now want every variety legalized because everyone should be allowed to do anything they want with their body. As if that would satisfy the deep longing in their soul. It won't. What marriage is for will be my next blog.

Jesus is largely hated in the USA. When we were at our worst Jesus Christ died for us [Romans 5]. God entered into our world as a human to show us a better way and to rescue us from our wrong desires which war with values, goodness, kindness, justice, purity, compassion, love, etc; basically, against God and all His characteristics. People apart from a redeemed relationship with Jesus are in utter darkness.

Case in point: What are we doing when we convict a doctor of murder for killing babies born after botched abortions but people celebrate killing the unborn moments before? How does it suddenly become unacceptable outside the womb? What are we doing when the nation celebrates a filibuster of yelling to oppose a midterm abortion restriction? Why do women promote and celebrate baby butchering as a right to a woman's body? What else could the baby be? A frog? A cookie? A plant? Product of conception and fetal matter both equate to a baby--a child in the womb. It is and can only be a human. When we kill our unborn in the name of convenience, we spit in Jesus' face. We fail to recognize the destruction of a human, the physical trauma done to a woman which often later leads to cervical cancer and the fact that most women will at some point suffer a form of PTSD when they mature enough to realize that it really was a baby and not some other 'thing.' It is not a healthy, loving or moral pro-choice. Yet, it is shoved on young females as good so that planned unparenthood can rob them financially and damage them physically and emotionally. It is eugenics. The abortion rates among Latinos, African-Americans and the urban poor is shocking. This is not a loving choice.

Similarly, it is not loving to give an alcoholic booze. It is not loving to give a drug addict syringes. It is not loving to give the lazy money or food stamps. It is not loving to give teens condoms and say "go for it because we're all just needing to explore and discover." It is not loving to give anyone everything they want. It is not loving to rationalize, normalize or explain away immorality to appease an angry mob.

I can see the crown of thorns smashed into Jesus' scalp, the bone and metal-chip infested leather straps pealing away his skin and the hammer stroke of the nails being pounded into his flesh as he is mocked and his church is attacked. Jesus came to rescue dead people who were captive to their sin. That is what the USA is. This is the zombie apocalypse. Only, he is not killing the zombies for attacking him or killing his followers, which happens all over earth regularly by those who hate Jesus. Jesus pours out love like he did his blood to transform the spiritually and morally dead into his own children whom he loves and values. In his stubborn grace he allows us all to make millions of mistakes wounding others while he gently prods his followers to die to sin, selfishness, greed, arrogance, pride, sexual wildness, etc. Erwin McManus is right, "We are all just hypocrites in transition." But, are we transitioning or stagnant and enjoying it?

I am frustrated that there is so little faith in Jesus here in the USA. It looks like the progress of perversion is winning. It looks like God is not transforming his church into loving, righteous, cleansed, forgiven, just people. It appears that most people in the USA are running from God. I am sad when Christians say it is OK for them to divorce because marriage is too much work and their happiness is more important than honoring their covenant commitment. I am sad when Christians are at peace with their blatant disobedience of Scripture and justify it. It hurts when the church looks and acts just like the culture. We are supposed to be grateful and holy [set apart from sin--rebellion against God]. I am sad when followers of Jesus participate in loving pleasure rather loving than God. It is tragic when we participate in lust, abortion, sex-trafficking, slavery, injustice, greed, avarice, malice, lewdness, abuse, violence, addiction to pills or drink, rebellion against parents and leaders... [2 Timothy 3]. The list seems endless and can be added to. I am sad that Christ followers don't use much of His money to bring about real liberty and justice, transforming the world from a place of spiritual darkness into a planet of relational joy with God.

I am unhappy that God has put in me the ability to see the wickedness of the world like Jeremiah knowing that most of the world does not care. I weep for the people calling evil good and calling good evil. I am frustrated that what is wrong with the world is you and me and that we do so little about it. I am sad that many times I feel hopeless to the point of giving up and giving in so that I act just like the angry mob. I am struggling. I am tired. I feel broken. That is where I have been and am.

The 'CO's of Marriage

MARRIAGE:


Covenant - a spiritual contract made between God and the couple [communion, consecrate]

Commitment - one man with one woman, for life [until the coffin]

Companion - best friends for life; “you complete me”

Compatible - become this for their sake

Convenience - love is not convenient; it takes effort. Serve your partner in the way they receive love

Communication - talk about life and difficulties in a healthy way. Listen lots—really hear your partner. Confirm, Compliment & Complement each other often. Build Confidence.

Cooperation - work together for each other and the good of the family in all things

Constant - never give up

Consistent - always be there for each other and be for each other

Contentment - be satisfied with each other [comfortable]

Coitus - enjoy marital bliss and the joy of providing physical pleasure for each other; it is a shared honor and a worship experience

Conflict - work to resolve problems and disputes [compassion, commiserate, concede not conceit or condescend]. Reconcile.

Co$tly - not just shared money, but make this relationship the priority above all others

Co- - it’s all about togetherness [cohesion, collaborate, common, combine, etc.]

Coalesce - grow together; unite into one body

Community - grow into one

Cocreate - make the family all it is supposed to be through Jesus

Coffee - spend meal and relaxation time together & buy her chocolate

Comedy - have fun together

Confess - pray with and for each other [confide]

Not codependent since that is a toxic relationship accepting, condoning and tolerating sin.



Scott Coleman 11/30/11

10 Commandments for Marriage

I. You shall have no other spouse besides your own.

II. You shall not make nor imagine an idol or fantasy or form of any earthly creature in place of your spouse, but truly love your spouse with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.

III. You shall not condescend nor degrade nor condemn nor slander your spouses name in public or private to their face or behind their back--no name calling or put downs.

IV. Remember to spend a total of at least 5 hours per week devoted to time fully set aside for your spouse. During that time you shall give 100% of your attention to your spouse with no distractions. Turn off the TV.

V. Honor and praise your spouse in public and private.

VI. You shall not hate or despise your spouse in any way. Do not bring up past fights, sins, hurts; these should have already been forgiven.

VII. You shall not commit adultery nor strongly desire another in your mind or with your body. It all starts with a glance, then a thought, then pondering (James 1:14-15 & Proverbs 5).

VIII. You shall not steal the privacy of your spouse nor demand all your spouses’ time and energy. Do not sneak views of their journal, diary, private letters, nor eavesdrop on private conversations.

IX. You shall not lie about or gossip against your spouse in public or private. You shall not lie to your spouse or twist the truth or manipulate your spouse in any way.

X. You shall not covet your neighbor's spouse or compare your spouse to another or consider your neighbor's spouse better than your own in any way. The grass only appears greener because it is artificial turf.