“What is Marriage for?”

Is marriage archaic, anachronistic, amoral, anti-social, awful, awesome? Is marriage merely a contract between two people about confining sex to that one relationship? Does monogamy equal monotony? Who or what is marriage for? Is marriage merely about tax and health insurance benefits? Can it really be that shallow? Are all the generations before us primitive, simple fools who are out of touch with modern morality and technology because we are so educated, erudite, enlightened, entitled, exceptional, etc.?

Did the sexual revolution of the 1960's bring about positive results for families? Did all that sexual experimentation make relationships better and more secure? After playing around for a while until finding the sexually compatible one, did that make for a secure, loving, satisfying, rewarding, complete relationship? Are the children from that era well-disciplined, self-controlled, mature, emotionally & relationally stable? Are societies around the world better off because of these sexual freedoms that threw off governmental and church authority, norms, rules and morality? People replaced the leadership and guidance of the Christian church and the Bible with the peace symbol, which is a statement of anti-authoritarianism: an upside down, broken cross. Sexual norms and the traditional family unit has been challenged, denied, re-fried and cultures collide. Push the boundaries. Because all those boundaries are out-dated and need to be broken. Life without boundaries is; of course, freeing. Just ask psychologists and counselors. Our brilliant society is free from addiction to sex, drugs, alcohol. We are truly free. Aren't we? No psychoses. No phobias. No anxiety. No imbalances. No worries. No health issues. No diseases. No eating dis-orders. No abuses. No problems. We are all normal, healthy and well adjusted.

Now, if you say anything against this wonderful freedom or merely attempt to have a conversation about it, you are a wacko, old-fashioned right-wing fundamentalist full of hate, racism and intolerance. You will be vilified and often physically threatened. Yes, that is happening in our tolerant, loving, freedom of speech, freedom of religion [not from], kind and gentle nation. So, don't you dare speak anything different than what is displayed in music, media and movies because their views on morality and healthy relationships are always accurate. Just look at all their smiling faces on those prefect bodies with prefect teeth and hair. They must be right and their souls filled with joy. Look at their role-model relationships and families. So, money and might make right. Right?

Billion$ are being spent to attempt to redefine marriage. Loud arguments are made from all over. Who is right? Can we know? Who gets to determine right from wrong? Charlie Sheen!? Duck Dynasty? Hollywood and Washington DC? Religious leaders? Not those fools, they aren't progressive enough!

Don't listen to the children. Only those with this new, enlightened morality have this stuff figured out:
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/entry/13/24114

One year ago I performed the wedding ceremony for my niece. Planning for that ceremony and a later sermon developed a lot of what follows here. I started a conversation with my niece and her now husband to see what their thinking was and ask how they would answer the below questions.

Questions to the engaged: Why do you want to get married? Why do you want to marry this person? Could marrying someone else be a better plan? What is marriage? What does it mean? If you stop and ponder for a few minutes right now, how would you answer those questions? If you have not wrestled with these, this would be a good time to go sit outdoors alone with a beverage and contemplate them.

...Sometime later after you have finished pondering...

Can the answers be as simple as these statements:  He makes me laugh. We have fun together. We have a lot of the same interests and like to do the same things. When I am down she lifts me up. We are physically attracted to each other. We want to be together. We want to share our lives together. We laugh at the same jokes. We have similar life plans and goals.

Is that it? Is that enough? Companionship. Feeling loved. Appearance. Having fun together. Liking the same things. Is that all marriage is? Is that the foundation for a strong and successful marriage? If that is all it takes, then it really doesn't matter if those getting married are opposite sex, same sex, polygamists, or even stranger things.

Since I do not get to determine what is right and wrong, I will rely on another authority. Of course, this is not popular with those spending billion$ to change things. Their arguments are along the lines of: Live and let live. It's all good. To each his own. Why won't YOU let my friends get married? They are nice people. YOLO. They aren't hurting anybody. Who are you to judge? It's none of our business. This won't hurt society in any way. Why are you a racist, homophobic, a--hole, jerk!?

The truth is irrelevant to folks who believe in moral relativity and argue purely from emotion. Health risks are also irrelevant:

http://www.glma.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=Page.viewPage&pageID=690

http://www.catholiceducation.org/en/search.html?q=homosexual&Itemid=301

Certainly, all of these will be cured when same sex marriage is legalized and fully accepted. Then there will be no more of these problems; just like in the Netherlands [sarcasm]. No more problems with HIV/AIDS, hepatits, chlamydia, STD's, STI's, body image (obesity, anorexia, bulimia, etc.), drug or alcohol abuse, tobacco use, depression/anxiety, cancer (prostate, testicular, colon), HPV (which can lead to anal cancer). This list is just for men with men. Women have some other specific risks. In these problem/risk areas, GLBT people are at 2-4 times the risk of heterosexuals. Shouldn't all these health issues tell us something is wrong with the thinking that GLBT are normal lifestyles that should be accepted by all of us? There is certainly something broken in our society when we fight about how to throw out all morals regarding sex and sexuality. Are you amazed at all the billion$ being spent to push the agenda for this segment of society which makes up less than 5% of the adult population in the USA? Check the stats. The exaggerated 10% figure is completely false. But, even if it were 97% of the population being GLBT, would that make it right, normal and OK?

This problem is larger than just people disagreeing with how to live, what is moral, etc. There is something going on that most deny or don't want to believe. People are not the enemy.

All people have a common, unseen spiritual enemy who wants to destroy us morally and physically. That is the behind-the-scene battle that deceives people into believing things like; all types of sex outside of marriage is OK, acceptable, playful recreation and won't have any negative consequences on individuals or society at large; even kids can play. There is a gigantic reason that the fire of relational and sexual passion needs to be healthily confined to marriage between a man and a woman who are married to each other. That is where I am going here. If you are not full of anger and hate toward me and this information, read on and consider.

You were made for something more, something bigger than mere physical or relational pleasure and satisfaction. You know there is a longing deep inside of you to discern why you exist and to figure out how to meet the longings of your soul. All of us have tried many diverse and unsuccessful ways of figuring out this tough stuff. Why was I made? Why do I exist? Will a relationship with someone who loves me satisfy these longings? Am I more than random chance and accidental mutation; billions of accidental mutations that just so happened to make an extraordinary, symmetrical, fascinating physical and intellectual specimen? Who am I? What am I supposed to do?

If you are convinced you are a chaotic accident, you will not agree with the rest of what I write which is merely a biblical analysis answering the title question of this article: “What is Marriage for?” If Jesus is a myth and has not risen from the dead, feel free to go on your meaningless, less-than-merry nihilistic way to nothingness. That rough statement is the end result of the modern atheistic world view here in the USA.

But if Jesus is real, is The Creator, is God in-the-flesh, died for our sins and rose from the dead; then we should let Him and Scripture determine what is good, right and moral. And, we should let Him answer this question for us because only His answer as revealed in Scripture is Truth. Truth is not subjective nor relative. Jesus IS Truth. He believed the Bible and what was written about Him. He perfectly revealed the invisible Father God. All of Scripture points to God and the redemption of mankind through Jesus, Whose name means "the Lord Saves."

“What is Marriage for?”
This is merely a quick glance at some of the main points of the Bible on this issue to answer the question from a big picture view. Does God still speak? Is there any wisdom in these ancient texts? Any truth? Surely God is NOT and these are silly fables and mythical fairy tales only satisfying the young, naive, fools or the uneducated? Surely modern science has put this absurdity to rest. Let's take a look.

And guess what? I won't even use Sodom & Gomorrah, or the lists of sin from the apostle Paul or his brilliant description of our brokenness in Romans 1 to answer the above question.

Genesis 1:26-31, 2:7-25, 3:1-21

God gives us earth, each other and Himself.

        You may not know it now, but later, when you look back on your life you will realize – that God was there all the time, working in plain sight. We were the ones who were blind, morally confused and conflicted.

When God describes the creation of humanity he was talking about the unseen part of us; the soul. Physically we are 98.8% similar in our DNA to chimpanzees. Are we evolutionary cousins or made by the same Being? How similar are chimps to humans? Do they have logic? Do they have a soul? Do they have thousands of languages? Do they have planes, trains, automobiles? Do they argue evolution versus creation? Do their tools compete with Lowe's and Home Depot's or NASA's? Do their libraries and computers match ours? Is the unseen part of a chimpanzee or other common ancestor, the same as that of a man or woman? Are you just an advanced primate?

In the Genesis accounts God talks with Himself about creating humans in the image of the divine. "Let Us make mankind in our image, after Our likeness." Angels don't create, so it wasn't about them. The One God begins being revealed here as being in a relationship with Himself!?. This is the first hint of a tri-unity monotheistic being. Our logic cannot follow and we often reject what we cannot see or comprehend because all truth and knowledge; must of course, be run through us for a decision of validity.

Humans were created to take care of earth and all that is in it. But that is a story for a different article. Here our focus will be on the creation of man being made in God's image as male and female (1:27). How can this be if the names and words used for God are always masculine? What is going on? Scripture never describes God as a sexual being. Yet, He creates humans as sexual beings. He sets things up for us to reproduce and "fill the earth." Since male and female are created in God's image there must be some correlation with God's statement in v.26: "Let Us make man in Our image." God is community. God is Himself a family. Humans are created to be a physical and spiritual representation of the eternal and invisible God in some way as we share some image aspects of Who He is. There is something vital about there being male and female. Together they are image bearers. We need both to understand what God is revealing to us. Half of something is missing without the other. Just analyze how things work in an office made entirely of only men or women. Fun, fun, fun!

In chapter 1 the Spirit of God hovers over the formless and empty earth. In chapter 2, the six days are split with the first three describing God forming creation and the second three days describing how He fills the emptiness. His final creation is mankind. First He forms the male and gently, with great tenderness places him in the garden to worship God as he works at tending the garden. The male is given instruction. Then God describes how it is not good [a first in the creation account] for this guy to be alone. The male needs a suitable helper in life that is a perfect fit for him. This helper is the human version of how God is a helper to us. It is not a derogatory or subordinate position. The male was formed but there was an emptiness that was filled only when the female was crafted from his shapely rib. She was built. When the guy saw her he sang. The first song. He wrote the first poem. The first human romance. He was wowed. She was wooed. The image of God was at work in their souls as they became a family designed by God. Nothing shallow. Nothing small. Not merely sexual; but it was sexual. Sex was meant to express the intense unity they shared. It was meant to be for them alone as a celebration. It was the first worship experience. "God made us for each other to celebrate Him and for this fabulous sex thing." There was awe. They were together. They were naked. They were without shame. They were to become one flesh; not merely a sexual union but connected like God is connected. He is The One God. They were to be the one family. The one monogamous union. This was good good! "Tov, Tov" in the hebrew. They were told to hold fast to each other; foreshadowing, that would be difficult in the future. Three times in Scripture the male is told to leave his parents and cleave, or hold fast to the female. The female does not get this same instruction. Hmmmm! That must mean something.

Seconds or minutes later they believe the lie of an unseen enemy somehow speaking through an animal. They are told they can know good and evil apart from God. Well. That sounds good to them. But, it's really evil. Their relationship with God and each other is too shallow to withstand the lie. Perfection is ruined. They eat. They disobey and rebel. Sin enters. Shame controls. Blame and division. Finger pointing is created. "It's not my fault. It's theirs. It's Your fault, God." We have grown so much wiser and mature since then [sarcasm]. Fear replaces reverence. Cowardice replaces worship. [It's just like everything we see on TV today.] The animal is punished for being used by the deceiving accuser. The woman will have pain bearing children. She will also struggle with her role as the perfect companion to the male. She will either be too bossy or too submissive; not "juuuuust right" like in the 3 bears. The male's work will become painful and difficult instead of worshipful. They die spiritually instantly. The zombie apocalypse has arrived. Walking dead people. Everywhere. They are kicked out of the perfect garden. Life, nay, existence is now difficult and full of trouble and pain.

What was meant to be a family that resembles the relationship within the tri-une God is no longer an image for what heaven is like. The entire rest of Scripture reveals how far humans have fallen, how depraved and selfish we are. It shows the wickedness of humanity. The violence. The killing. The hatred. The false religion creation. The denial of The One True God. The broken families are all over its pages. The first child born kills the second. Now we kill our unborn in celebration of sexual freedom. Progress!

While many pages in the Bible describe the sins of humanity, the larger picture is the story of God's love and faithfulness as He plans for and carries out the redemption of mankind: male and female. God is always about the work of rescuing and saving a lost and broken humanity!

Hosea – Faithful when spouse is unfaithful. This makes me wonder: What was Joseph thinking when he married Mary? She claimed to be a virgin.

What a sad prophet Hosea must have been! His life was a metaphor of God dealing with His unfaithful bride, the nation of Israel, the chosen people who always strive against God; that's what the word Israel means--"strives with God." Hosea was told to go find a prostitute and marry, have children with her and to continually go get her when she sinned and redeem her when she broke their covenant relationship and went back to her harlot ways. He even bought her out of slavery. The children were given negative names which described the unfaithfulness of Israel. What a mean God that He would require that of a man. That bad, evil God, telling people what to do, forcing them to love the unlovable and to love the ones not returning love when given it. That darned role of a prophet! Who could want that? It's like me with the people of the USA. Who will hear? Who will care? Who will repent, turn from their wicked ways, return to a relationship with God and become a loving, obedient child of The King of the Universe?

Somehow God will still increase the number of His people; His bride, who often plays the role of the prostitute. The people party. They have raves. They have orgies. They feast. They misuse their sexuality. The image of God in them is broken. The prophet husband pays a heavy price to keep his wife. There is little true worship. There is little heaven; no joy. The priests and people whore against God. So little has changed. The people create opportunities for adultery and prostitution; even, in their temples [churches]. These rebels are a stubborn lot. Their rulers embrace shame. The people are faithless. God remains faithful. Is He a fool? They disavow guilt until calamity strikes. They feign repentance and tarry in sin. They set up rulers who despise God. "They sow the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind" [Hosea 8:7]. Israel has forgotten his Maker [8:14]. The people plowed iniquity; they reaped injustice; they have eaten the fruit of lies [9:13]. Oh, how the times have... stayed the same! Israel is against her helper (God) [13:9]. Yet God heals the apostate people and loves them freely [14:4].

God is faithful to His wayward, rebellious bride.

Malachi 2:14-17 – You are responsible for family and spousal care.

This short section shows Israel again running from their role as a bride to God. They are not faithful in relationship to God. They are not faithful in their marriages. They throw away their responsibilities to their spouse [their companion] and their children. And God hates it. God hates divorce. God hates unfaithfulness. If we cannot be faithful to God our invisible Husband and Creator, how can we be faithful to a fellow fallen, broken, selfish human? God made the married couple one with a portion of His Spirit in their union [2:15]. Instead, the people do evil.

The people blame God and each other. They deny sin and rebellion. Their false worship is rejected. They play at church. They worship their profits ignoring the prophet. God disdains their violation and profaning of His covenant with them. Yet, for His own reasons, God is faithful and loving to these thieves. He will send one like Elijah to warn them again before punishing their rebellion. But for those who fear His name, healing will come and they will leap with joy.

Most people do not understand that a biblical covenant is an agreement God makes with Himself to be faithful to the people He will love and nurture. He will accomplish the goal of the covenant. Even when the people attempt to break the covenant and be unfaithful; God remains faithful to His commitment and will carry it out to completion. He has married Himself to this people. They are His bride. He will not fail. His marriage covenant to His people will happen and be glorious.

Jesus on marriage:

  No marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:29-31).

 There will be a marriage feast (Matthew 22:1-14, Luke 20:27-36).  This is big picture stuff compared to the details of only divorcing for sexual unfaithfulness (Matt. 5:31-33) and no other reason (Matt. 19:3-10).

The religious elite of the Jews; the Pharisees and Sadducees, were often attempting to trick Jesus into sinning or false theology. What a great bunch of holy men! So much different than today. When the Sadducees who did not believe in resurrection or after-life attempted to twist Jesus into a sticky situation of interpreting the Mosaic law requiring a brother to marry the widow of his brother in order to raise up offspring for him; they arrived with a silly scenario of 7 brothers marrying 1 woman. One would marry her, then die. The next would marry her in an attempt to carry on that brother's lineage by giving her a son. No child, then death, then the next would marry, no children, then death and so on for all 7.  So in the after-life, which lucky brother would be this tragic woman's husband? They thought they were so smart and tricky. Surely Jesus would have no good answer.

Jesus called them out. They were wrong, did not know the Scriptures nor the power of God. How dare Jesus judge people like that? Bad Jesus! Don't judge. Remember! You said not to judge, bad Jesus.

Jesus destroys their tricky argument. He tells them there is a resurrection of the dead for those worthy to receive it. There is an after-life. God is the God of the living. Jesus cites the burning bush incident with Moses to prove this point. Apparently Jesus believed the fables and myths of the Hebrew Scriptures. Silly Jesus!

And, by the way, Jesus tells them there is no marriage in heaven. People do not get married in heaven. People married on earth do not stay married in heaven. We are different there. We are like the angels (whose names and descriptions are always masculine--similar to what I wrote above about God), there is nothing sexual about our relationships in heaven. What?! Say it ain't so! Isn't sexual union and satisfaction the greatest goal and pleasure of humanity? Where will my ecstasy be? What else are we to do then? I'll tell you later. Don't skip ahead to the end. Be patient. I am sure you are good at that.

The things of heaven explained to broken earthlings often do not make sense. The information from Jesus was mind-blowing, world-changing, earth-shaking. Our fallen, selfish, blame-oriented humanity is still twisted in its understanding of right and wrong, thinking we know better than God.

   

Ephesians 5:15-33

1)       Husbands – Love your wife as Christ loved the Church! Jesus died for His bride.

2)       Wives – Submit to and respect your husband as to Christ the head of the Church!

Here is the most clarifying passage for how males and females express the love of God in different ways. This is where the image of God from Genesis 1 & 2 is explained. This is how human marriage is supposed to work. There is equality of person-hood. There are differing roles. Males and females are vastly different. We look, think, converse, play, relate and behave differently. Males and females express love differently. Redeemed people, followers of Jesus, are in the process of becoming more like what Paul describes in this passage. All people reflect some of this. It is in our image of God DNA.

Remember the broken part of women from Genesis 3? She will struggle with her role as the perfect companion to the male. She will either be too bossy or too submissive. Her easier role in life is to be nurturing and supportive. Females struggle less with this. It is simple for most to be encouraging. Women just love to love. They are good at that. The broken part of the feminine is in the areas of submission and respect. The submit thing could take years, perhaps a lifetime to unravel because in her rebellion, the female soul either despises this or craves it too much. The true way of looking at it is to submit to her husband as the leader of the family. This does not mean women submit to all men! This means in the marriage, the leadership and responsibility falls on the male. The female is the helper, supporter, companion, encourager as God was to Israel in the Hebrew Scriptures. Sometimes this means getting all up in his business...in private. The unnatural part of this whole thing is thrown in at the end of verse 33, where this submission is explained as respect. This is difficult for women. Nurturing love--that is easy. Treating her husband with respect (value, honor, dignity, deference), that is difficult. Just ask marriage counselors. This can only be done well by the help of The Helper, The Holy Spirit. His role here is similar to that of the wife to the husband. It is not being a doormat. It is a high and holy role that pictures the relationship between Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It portrays God and the way He loves and relates. This submission and respect turns a weak man into a knight in shining armor who will take on the world to bless his female. Respect brings out in a male what only a woman can root out of his wounded soul. It turns a coward into a warrior. It transforms fragility into powerful strength. It makes him into something much greater than he ever dreamed he could become.

The larger and seemingly more difficult demands of this passage are for the man to love his wife like Jesus loved the church, built her up, nurtured her and died for her. It is easy for men to pour out respect. Males have to learn nurturing love. This love purifies her soul. It blossoms her into the lovely flower she can only become by receiving this love from a male. The princess needs a prince to unwrap the beauty in her soul. My wife tells me she wants honesty, integrity, love, provision, protection, a man seeking Jesus all the time and to feel enveloped. Picture an eagle standing near his mate with his wings spread around her in protection and glaring at the enemies desiring to harm her screaming like Gandalf, "You shall NOT pass!" The male does not use his physical strength to cause submission. He does not use his strength against her to gain respect. He pours out gentleness and nurtures her with a tenderness since he is like a bull and she like a china shop. He draws out the inner beauty. He is first drawn toward her external beauty and curves and then moves into her soul because she has captivated his. His love removes blemishes from her soul, it looks past her wrinkles and stretch-marks. When the male loves the female he learns to love himself and stop condemning himself for all his flaws and frailty. And again, here in verse 31 the male is told to leave his parents and hold fast to his wife, his woman, and become one body, mind and soul.

Then Paul throws an unexpected curve ball. It's all about Jesus. This marriage talk is really about how Jesus relates to the church, His bride. The church is supposed to love, respect, obey and submit to Jesus because He poured out His human life to redeem her and make her become who she could only become through His love and sacrifice.

Hebrews 13:4

“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Honor marriage! Keep it Holy! Value it.

We don't even know who wrote this book but it is hugely powerful and greatly explains much of the hidden mysteries of the Hebrew Scriptures. As a reminder at the end of this letter this verse seems tossed in to make sure marriage is treated right. Honor and respect are from the same root word. Revere, value, dignify, honor marriage. It is something special. And the sexual union is not a play thing to be taken lightly or passed around or exploited outside the marriage boundary. Those misusing sex as a toy for the flesh outside of marriage between a male and a female will self-inflict many wounds. Keep sex pure. Keep it within the healthy confines of marriage. It is meant to be a celebration there. It is a play thing there for the couple to share; not for one to use the other. Sex is supposed to be a worship service celebrating our Creator for giving us such a wonderful gift as each other and the amazing physical pleasure.

For those with eyes to see and ears to hear, you can tell that sex is a powerful part of humanity. It is often controlling our desires. Porn is where the money is. In the USA, there is more profit in porn than in the NFL, NBA and MLB combined. Sex sells. People often sell each other. Children are misused by adults. There are a lot of sex slaves worldwide. The physical pleasure can become addictive when it is the highest goal a person pursues. It can break apart families when desire for another drives someone to pursue a co-worker, friend, neighbor, etc. It is too bad it is misused this way. It was meant for our good. There are physical, emotional and spiritual consequences for its misuse.

Honor marriage. Keep it pure. When marriage is done the way God designed it, the husband and wife mirror heaven's family, glorify God and bring out the best in each other. A good marriage will even create a hunger in others for their own good marriage.

When we do things our way instead of God's we are wasting time, energy and billion$ to justify and rationalize our version of right and wrong that remains broken since the garden. Should we listen to each other's fine sounding logic, yelling, rhetoric and tearful emotions or should we seek eternal truth? Marriage is much larger than merely a human relationship. It's not as vain as asking your spouse, "What can you do to make me happy?" It's not as small and insignificant as being about us. It's not merely FOR us.

But, it is for us so we get to know Him.

Revelation 19:7-16

The Marriage between Jesus the bridegroom and His Church, Us, the bride.  Both are clothed in robes washed by Jesus’ blood (Rev. 6:11, 7:14).

Corruption, sin, injustice and all wickedness has been punished by the time you get to chapter 19 of Revelation. God is being worshiped on His throne. He is worthy. He is praised. The Lord reigns. Jesus has finished preparing a place for His bride as was the Jewish tradition. He went away and built us our eternal home. The marriage between the Lamb Who was slain and His bride Whom He redeemed now takes place. He has washed away her sin. She is clothed in fine linen, bright and pure. No more spot. No more wrinkle. No more sin. No more pain. No more temptation. No more shame. No more guilt. The marriage feast is taking place. Jesus is faithful and true. In righteousness He judges. He is called The Word of God. He rules. He will tread the wine press of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty. His name is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. This is Jesus, once the babe born in a manger, now revealed as The Savior, The Messiah (Christ = anointed of God), The Judge Who punishes sinners whom rejected His sacrifice for sin at the cross.

He is The Groom. His church is the bride. What was started with the creation of male and female in Genesis, now is unveiled as the purified bride becomes whom she was supposed to be: a people created by and for God to be in a loving, respectful, pure and adoring relationship with Him.

       * Epiphany à “The marriage between Jesus and the Church is The culmination of history and The reason for creation!”